WICKED PICTURES
"Flashpoint"
Starring:
Jenna Jameson,
Jill Kelly,
Johnni Black,
Sindee Coxx,
Missy,
Brittany Andrews,
Sydnee Steele,
and Asia Carrera
Directed By
Brad Armstrong
Reviewed By
Steve DiMurio
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I'm probably the wrong person to review adult videos. First of all, I'm a guy. And being a guy it's all "insertions and implants" for me. I don't believe in story. Who wants all that talking, anyway? It just gets in the way of the sex, right?
I am most definitely the target demographic when it comes to compilation tapes. So, of course, when I was asked to review an adult video, my initial thought was, "well, yeah, of course!"
What I got was "Flashpoint" from Wicked Pictures and I got a video with a storyline. Ultimately, who cares? But for the record: the video is about a female firefighter (played by Jenna Jameson) who's accused of arson when her badge is discovered at the scene of a fire. Eventually she clears her name. In between all this is a lot of sex.
I was immediately relieved, once I figured out this was an adult video about firefighters, that it wasn't called "Buttdraft". At least these filmmakers had the good sense to avoid the major motion picture parody game and go for something somewhat original.
"Flashpoint" has a pretty expensive budget. Where they found a fire department willing to give up their headquarters for a porno shoot is beyond me. But they did. And they got fire engines. So, from a pure "guy" perspective, it's got hardware, too. Not bad.
My only complaint, for a production value standpoint, is with director Brad Armstrong's overuse of a camera crane - sweeping insertion shots from overhead in nearly every sex scene gets a little much after a while.
Though the sex itself isn't as deviant as I would've liked (no, I am not a mastication-and-golden-showers kind of guy), the action was pedestrian and only moderately sexy. The women are beautiful (particularly Jenna and Sindee Coxxx) and the men not annoying (which is the most positive thing I can say about a guy in a porno film).
The video also features the lengthy talents of Johnni Black, Brad Armstrong and others. The only woman-on-woman sequence (staged in a restaurant bathroom stall) is slow and uninteresting (where's the dildos, people???) and the sex between the female stars and their male co-horts is also uninspiring. Sure, it all looked good -- with better-than-average lighting (for a porno) and pretty good camera work -- but in the end it left me flaccid because the action itself was so, well, tame.
Since the adult video industry really took off a few years after the wide acceptance of VCRs in the home, the business has become a niche industry (hey, anyone looking for pregnant, over-50, fat chick porno films? They're out there).
I don't know what niche Wicked was shooting for with "Flashpoint", but it wasn't me. Maybe it was meant to be a starter film; something tame for the uninitiated or the prudish housefrau, but to me it was just a yawner.
Given that this is my first adult film review, I have to come up with the hardest part of this exercise - my personal rating system. Okay. Limp dick, hard dick? Seen it. Three cum shots? Seen it. Okay, I've got it. Since I pride myself on my honesty, let's face facts: most adult videos are watched by men... alone. So my rating system will be based on tissues. One tissue being barely watchable and four tissues being "Grab the K-Y and lock the basement door!".
My first review is going to be a split rating. I give it one tissue for action and three tissues for production value (Ed: you really jacked-off to the production value, Steve?).
That averages out to two tissues, which is a little more generous than "Flashpoint" deserves.
Hoping that the next adult video I review will be more of a wildfire than a backyard bar-be-que.
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